Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
