Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Four minutes until I can fart!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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