so that wasnt chicken after all
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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