Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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