That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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