is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
