Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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