haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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