You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
