Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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