OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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