Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over