Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
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He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken