My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
don't judge my taste in strippers
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain