You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
