I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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