I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
