Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
