Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
