Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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