so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
