I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
