Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
A bitchslap is in order.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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