6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sober January is a disaster.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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