My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
