since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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