Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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