apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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