stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize