You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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