so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
