It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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