Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
