We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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