you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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