she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
