in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
