there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
