Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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