My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
