Nicole vs. Life
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
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Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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