If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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