U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
