My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
