Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
