Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
