the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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