is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
