she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
