Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
