at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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