Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
