who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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