Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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