my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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