My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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