Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
