the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
