After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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